Parenting

Families can not only include a married couple but it can also include children.  Having and raising can be very rewarding as well as can be challenging at times. Sometimes we wonder why should we be parents in the first place because of all the work that goes into each child that is born.  In my family relations class this passed week we discussed why parenting is a good thing...

Why parenting?                                                                             Who benefits?

-Prepares children for life                                                                   -Children

-Practice good attributes such as forgiveness and love                        -Parents

-Bonding and define the family                                                           -Both

-Creates humanity (our relationships make us who we are)                 -Both

-Parenting styles affect a child's development positively or negatively   -Children's development and society

As discussed in the last bullet that there are different parenting styles.  These styles are Authoritarian, Permissive and Authoritative.  

*Authoritarian= "my way or the high way", the parents don't listen to the child, they degrade their children, have a mother/father knows best attitude.

*Permissive= very easy going, wanting to be the child's friend rather than a parent, loose boundaries.

*Authoritative= listens and then corrects the situation or problem, clear boundaries, authority is in the home but not dominating, a healthy balance of authoritarian and permissive parenting styles.

Authoritative is the better parenting style out of the three.  It allows for the children to grow up in a loving room as well as learn a lot of hard but valuable lessons.  A permissive parenting style is not beneficial to a child as he or she gets older and lives out on their own.  Since they have been given everything throughout their lives they will continue to expect everything handed to them without putting any work into it.  They will have a hard time when they realize that the world is not going to give them everything they want.  In the authoritarian parenting style a child's relationships with their parents therefore causing them to be fearful and not trusting in their future relationships.  There is also much more of a possibility of sexual, physical or verbal abuse to occur.

We learn a lot about ourselves during parenting.  We have the opportunity to learn through parenting as much as a child learns from birth to age 18.  

Work and Families

Balancing work and a family can be a very challenging task.   Work is an important part of our lives but sometimes its hard to remember the reason why we started working the first place.  For many it is because they want and need to support their own families in everyday living, education and much more.  Often times what can happen is that families and work are viewed as 2 separate things divided into her kids and his work, when they should be one.  Another common situation that can occur is that spouses don't have a lot of time to spend together.  When a couple gets married they should spend even more time together than when they were dating.  That process of courtship should start in the dating process and never stop no matter how many years the relationship goes on for.  If there isn't enough time spent with the family and spouse or there is financial struggles contention and tension is created naturally.

So how do we solve or avoid these issues?  One thing we can all do in our relationships is exercise communication and discuss within your marriage how to do things.  Decide what the marriage/family needs, values and what things can be traded.  As long as there is clear communication and understanding a healthy balance between work and family can be established.

Communication is Everything

Last week we learned about communication and how important it is in relationships.  In my opinion communication is more than just words and is essential to have if wanting happy and successful relationships. 

Communication can be both verbal and non-verbal.  On the verbal side we communicate with our words and the tone we use when we talk to others.  On the non-verbal side communication happens a lot with our body language.  These things are important because it helps us to prepare so that we can "communicate so clearly that you are understood and so clearly that you are not misunderstood".  One of the greatest causes to divorce and broken relationships is because their wasn't good communication.  In class my teacher pointed out that when he is a marriage and family therapist the most common reason why more woman are initiating divorce is because they feel like the husband doesn't love them any more.  He continued and said that often times the husband is very surprised to hear this because he does love her.  In these instances the problem could have been resolved had both the husband and the wife needed communicated clearly to each other.

I realize that communicating is sometimes easier said than done but there are things we can keep in mind that will help us have clear communication...

- We can ask for clarification by saying "so you are trying to say..." or another example could be "i'm not sure what you mean can you explain your thoughts further?".

-Be patient and don't interrupt the other person.

-Don't be judgmental but try to be understanding.

-Don't beat around the bush.  

-Focus on one concern at a time.

-Learn how the other person communicates 

-Communicate always not just when there is a fight or argument going on

-Try to communicate love everyday

-Let the other person be right, its ok for you to be wrong about something.

Our relationships need communication to survive because without it we won't be able to solve problems and conflict as well as understand the other person's point of view better.